pretty flower ugly roots

I had a rough idea of what this blog post would be like- i had a sudden urge to write my thoughts down in words as i was on the way home
i actually rushed home to type this before i lost my train of thoughts

people undermine my feelings because they assume i will be okay with everything
like "oh she's always so cheerful and joyful you hardly see her upset"
sometimes people forget i exist even, like my opinion doesn't even matter anymore
like i don't have a veto or a say in anything because "i will be okay with it"

i mean, i honestly am generally okay with most things
even if i'm not okay with it, i will be in a while, or a long while
i don't kick up a fuss if i'm not happy with anything
because thats just so damn fucking selfish

but people take that for granted sometimes and i hate that

i'm a very simple person, really
i don't ask for much
i just hate it when people do things without considering my feelings

i'm still here
hello?
i'm still a person right?
a normal homosapien with 5 senses
with strong emotions that surge into my nerves and arteries and veins every single time

but here comes the harsh truth
the things that people don't see
you see just because i appear to be so happy
it doesn't mean that sadness is not there
i guess most of the time my sadness is only momentary
but when the sadness comes, and when the darkness arrives
it probably hits me the hardest
i guess most people would say that they know how it feels when they've hit rock bottom
or when they experience a traumatic sadness that overwhelms them fully
and when they choke back tears, diaphragm expanding and contracting so vigourously they feel they can't breathe

my sadness is different
i guess i don't show it as much as some people do
but its still there, you know?
just because you don't see it doesn't mean its not there
its just like air- now you don't see air do you?

i guess to me
the feeling of disappointment comes across worse than sadness
because being disappointed, means you expected something so much more from something, or someone
and sadness is just feeling sorry for what could have been
or what you could have done right
or what you know you should have done but didn't

the saddest people in the world are those who keep in their sadness
all
to
themselves

i admire these people so much



i still exist


just in case people think im depressed or something
i'm not lol
and no i have no relationship problems whatsoever loooolll
so heres a picture of my doggy called panda

a picture of him looking like a lil gangster puppy from da hood