pretty flower ugly roots

Is it bad if i'm starting to doubt the existence of God again?

a philosopher once said that "gods did not create man, man created gods"

the recent bloating shit that has been happening to me (and still not going away even after relentless prayer and frustration) is making me believe that "god" is something at the back of my head. The statement is becoming even more apparent to me when you start realising that it actually makes sense. Man wanted something to believe in so much that they started the idea of having a creator, someone they could worship, someone they could believe in. how would you know there's a heaven and a hell? what if you die and become a stream of unconsciousness?

i am desperately trying to reignite and rekindle the flame that i lost very long ago. but God, if you're really out there, please heal me and bring me back home