Sunday, July 18, 2010
the ghosts you draw on my back
we all have days where we feel ugly, right? well, some of us have those days very often, constantly, maybe more than one should. people look at you and say “oh, you’re pretty, why would you hate yourself, you have no reason to”. don’t you understand? i don’t see what you see, when i look in the mirror i only see ugly things, i only see my defects and the things i really, really hate. maybe they aren’t real, maybe it’s delusional and only in my head, but to me and through my eyes they are real, the defects and the flaws are all i can think about. they make me want to hide under a blanket and bury myself in pillows and never leave the house. but, occasionally, rarely, if i make an effort, if i put on a lot of makeup and do my hair the way i like it, i feel better. i don’t look in the mirror and think “wow, i’m pretty”, but i don’t hate myself as much as i normally do, the weight eases a little. so unless you know what it’s like, please, for the love of god, don’t fucking judge! don’t say “but you know you are pretty because you uploaded a picture of yourself”. one fucking picture doesn’t weigh up for all the self-hatred. ok?